Principal's Message Week 6 Term Two

“But everyone else is doing it”

Ever heard your child say this to you? Alternatively, it might be one of the following variations on the same theme:

Everyone else is allowed

Everyone else has one

Everyone else’s parents let them… and so on.

And for good measure, sometimes the kicker to this statement, yelled by the child includes one of these potential rhetorical questions: “Why are you so mean? Is this a prison? Why are you making my life so bad?”… and so on.

Now, I’m not going to be so bold as to call any parent’s child a liar, but the stark and abundant truth of these claims, for time immemorial, is that it is simply just not true! Sometimes our children do not lie; let’s just say they only tell us the bits of the story they want us to hear or know.

Not everyone is doing it, whatever it is. Not everyone else does have one, and not everyone else’s parents do let them.

How do I know this? Well, there are three reasons.

I have three adult children, and I lived through the same scenarios.
I’ve been in education for a very long time, and parents tell me stuff!
I talk to students and I know what many don’t have, don’t do, and are not allowed to do.

The vast majority of parents do insist on a bedtime, do insist on technology-free bedrooms with public places for charging of laptops and phones overnight, do restrict the use of video games, device use and the like to a certain number of hours per week, do insist on physical exercise and good sleep regimes, and do provide a balanced, healthy diet. Many parents do not allow their younger child to own a smartphone. Oh, how I wish every parent refused to let a child under 16 own a smartphone! Many parents are strict about what their child is allowed to watch i.e., the rating of a movie at certain ages. Parents do hold firm on the use of alcohol before the legal age of 18.

Children and adolescents often want what they can’t have … yet. That is life. Waiting for some things until a certain age is called a rite of passage. There is also goodness in anticipation of being “allowed” to go somewhere, do something, or own something.

I have also heard some parents tell me that there is no point in wearing the uniform correctly because “nobody says anything”. Please hear this from me – we do say something, and there are consequences for not wearing the uniform correctly. Boys will be stopped on their way home to, or home from, school if they are not well dressed. We have expectations, and they are consistently upheld.

I admit that being a parent is the hardest job I have ever had. It is very easy for me to spout forth as an educator, and I understand that it is complex in the family context to navigate and negotiate with an adolescent. However, saying “no” to your child or adolescent is the kindest word he will ever hear when it comes to some things. At other times, it can be “not yet”: until age and stage appropriateness kick in.

There is parental unity that can be found in joining a group of like-minded mums and dads, like the P and F for instance, where you can check your understanding of what “everyone else” is allegedly doing. It’s often illuminating and refreshing to know other parents hold the same values, house rules, and expectations for their children.

Be resolute in holding your children’s innocence and letting them enjoy childhood for as long as possible. As the grown ups in the equation, sometimes we do know what is best for them. Happy parenting this week. It’s the most important job you will ever have.

Dr Craig Wattam